Friday, April 2, 2010

Random thoughts

Driving home from work yesterday morning I was forced to yield to five deer. I slowed as I saw them emerging from the trees. They had no fear as they crossed the road about ten feet ahead of me. At the time there was no one behind me, but I turned on my hazard lights anyway. They just meandered across the road without even a glance in my direction.

I pulled off to the side so I could take a picture. I had my camera with me, but it was buried in the bottom of my bag which was laying on the backseat of my CRV. So I grabbed my phone to try to get a quick shot. But I missed it. Opportunity lost. My mistake was in opening car window to get a clearer shot. I forgot that I was playing an Elvis Costello CD. On hearing the music the deer all looked at me and then took off into the woods on the other side.

I really didn’t mind missing the shot though. I have been told my photos are good, but to me, they never quite capture what I am seeing. So I just have the memory of the moment.

When I was very young I wanted to be an artist. We had a chalk board that came from an old one room schoolhouse. The school had been converted into a dwelling for the elderly parents of a neighbor and they had no use for the chalkboard. We had it propped up in a corner of the dining room next to a window. I loved to draw on it. I think it was my Aunt Teckla, my Dad’s sister, who upon seeing one of my drawings told me I should be an artist. I don’t even know if I was in school yet, but at that moment, I wanted to be an artist.

I did paint a little. But I drifted into other interests as a teenager. However, I never really lost the desire to create. I started taking pictures in my mid-twenties and since then, soon after began to write as well. I just had an innate need to be creative, to capture what I was seeing and interpret it for others. But, I now get frustrated as it never seems to come out as I see it. I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t found my medium yet.

These past few years I have had little time to do anything creative. When I do try, nothing comes. I just get more frustrated. I feel like I have lost a special part of me. Maybe it is just an age thing. But, I miss it.

2 Comments:

Blogger Caroline said...

I think you should just keep trying! I love both your writing and your photography, so I'm not sure what is that is not coming through in those mediums, maybe you just need to accept you have talent? If they truly aren't doing what you want them to do/say/convey - then keep at it! I sadly can only knit and talk a lot about nothing - both of which took years of practice! Love this - can see the deer in my minds eye (no picture needed because you captured it with words! - for me at least) :o)

April 3, 2010 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger azsky13 said...

Thank you Caroline,

I think my fatigue and frustration were coming through on this. I was only writing this to stay awake. I will always be my own worst critic.
Mary

April 3, 2010 at 10:54 AM  

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