Friday, March 26, 2010

pick yourself up...


i am angry...
i am tired of all of the ups and downs of messing with my mind. change the rules, keep me guessing ...

plan A is fucked up so go to plan B... oh, so that is fucked up as well, on to plan C. no plan C yet well just keep going... you will think of something.

i am just tired... why do they have to make it so hard?
when is it enough? when will i have peace of mind? is that too much to ask?
yes, you say as you just take another piece of me...

so what is left? i feel like all the little pieces are being taken away...
i keep trying but it does no good, take one step forward and get knocked back on my ass... get up you say... and then you knock me down again...

what am i to do? quit whining you say...
pick your self up... as you set yourself to knock me down again...
that's life you say, just pick yourself up...

there is a light at the end of the tunnel they tell me...what tunnel?
it's hard to even look up from where i am lying...darkness rules, leaching into every part of me...
anger wells up unabated, it fills me spilling over...

when the door is closed sometimes a window will open...
there is no window in this room that i am locked in. there isn't even a light under the door...
it's black and empty and closed, slammed shut in my face...
thats life you say, just pick yourself up...

Originally published on Newsvine June 23, 2008.

This particular piece was written during a time of great stress for me. It is reflective of where I was and how far I have come in two years. It was written one night when I couldn't sleep. I didn't even bother to edit it at the time.

2 Comments:

Blogger Caroline said...

Powerful post Mary! There have been times in my life when I have felt exactly this way - it is not a good place to be, but it is refreshing to a)see others have been there (misery loves company and all that) b) to see someone express it so well and c) to know that you have come out of that horrible little room! Thank you for sharing this.

March 26, 2010 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger azsky13 said...

Caroline, Thank you for reading it. I was looking for some short fiction that I wanted you to read and found this instead. I had forgotten it. But in reading, I remembered the emotion at the time. I am glad I got out of that room too.

March 26, 2010 at 9:25 AM  

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