I literally cringe whenever I hear someone call another person "retarded" when they have done or said something stupid. I feel in many ways it is ignorance on their part, or laziness. I have even seen and heard people using the term "developmentally disabled" in the same way. In using the terms incorrectly, they are doing a disservice to a group of people who, by no fault of their own, have diagnosed, medical disabilities.
To clarify my point, let's look at the definitions of each term.
Stupid:
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2.Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
4. Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
5. Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.
noun. A stupid or foolish person.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
Retardation:
re-tar-da-tion
–noun
1. the act of retarding or state of being retarded.
2. something that retards; hindrance.
3. slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, academic progress, etc.
4. Music. a form of suspension that is resolved upward.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
Developmentally Disabled:
-noun
a disability, as mental retardation or cerebral palsy, that begins at an early age and continues indefinitely, leading to substantial handicap.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
The way I interpret each definition is that in the cases of retardation and developmentally disabled, it is not a choice. It is instead a physical diagnosis. It is not something they have control over or can help. However, being stupid is.
I have had the misfortune throughout the years to know and work with individuals of whom I would definitely refer to as stupid. They were generally careless in thought and action. Their actions usually resulted in mistakes which could have been avoided. But, I really don't need to go any further into this as I am sure you all know people who fit this description.
I have also been blessed to know and work with individuals who have a medical diagnosis of developmental disability. These are people that you may not have had the opportunity to meet. I work on a regular basis with six such women. In many ways they have become as close as family to me. They are a constant source of inspiration. They can learn, it is just that they learn differently. It is always a challenge for me to find the key to unlock that process. It is not their fault if they can not learn something, it is mine for not finding a way to teach them. I am constantly amazed and sometimes amused at their intelligence, particularly when I observe them interacting with new staff who don't know the rules and are frequently outsmarted! They are not stupid, (but sometimes I wonder about the staff that I work with...)
I have seen them struggle to understand why they cannot be like everyone else. Why they can't marry and have children. Why they can't do things that others can. I have helped them grieve over the loss of family members who died. Those were the same family members who ignored them and sent them away. I have spent holidays with them and watched their sadness when others left to go home to loved ones, knowing they had no one. They grieve, they hurt, they long for attachment and a sense of belonging just like you and I. They are not stupid.
My job is that of an advocate. My goal is to try to assist them in living their lives as close to normal as I possibly can. It is a challenge I happily take in helping them be a part of their community, just like everyone else. For the most part, in my experience, the individuals who I have worked with are the most accepting, loving, people I have ever known. They don't make judgements, perhaps because they know what it is liked to be judged. The only flaw I have seen is that they trust too easily and can be taken advantage of. It is a large part of the reason that they need to be protected by law.
I guess what I am asking here is that you take care in the words that you use. More people can be hurt by the careless use of language than you might know. By using the word "retarded" when you actually mean something else is doing a great disservice to a wonderful population that is by no means "stupid."
* This was originally published 11/26/2008 on my Newsvine column.