Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Incredibly Sad

It came over me like a wave, unexpected. It enveloped me. This overwhelming feeling of sadness shut me down.

I had been reading blogs about mothers and daughters, death and coping. I am not sure of the exact trigger.

This is not the first time and I am certain it will not be the last. Sometimes it is my Dad that I am missing, but this time it is my Mom. The thing is, she is still with us.

It was a pleasant evening. I was playing tunes and catching up on Twitter. I saw a link to a blog and clicked on it. I was moved emotionally and found I could not comment. Then I couldn’t do anything. I shut down my computer and tried to distract myself with some mindless TV. It didn’t work.

I tried to sleep, but now I can’t stop crying. Even writing it out isn’t helping. This feeling is nameless and unfocused. So I guess I will just go with it.

Grief is a funny thing. It sometimes catches you unaware like it did me tonight. I have always said that we were given a full range of emotions for a reason. Sometimes you just need to feel sad.

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5 Comments:

Blogger Caroline said...

Mary I totally get this at least I think I do. I mourn the loss of my grandmother with whom I was very close and as I see my mom age - I have started to mourn her too. Like you, I know I will fall apart when that day comes. It helps me to know I have friends like you who will help me put myself back together when that time comes, as I will be there for you. Also - I agree sometimes it is right to just be sad. xox

August 24, 2010 at 5:41 PM  
Blogger Madabip said...

Big hugs to you.

Have found the same thing -- sometimes you just need to feel sad. Been there before; will probably be there again.

Karen

August 24, 2010 at 6:37 PM  
Blogger azsky13 said...

Yeah Caroline, I think you do get it. It is tough mourning the loss of who a person was and even harder accepting the person that they have become. But then imagining them gone completely... I once referred to it as a long goodbye. I think we will help each other through it.

Karen, Big hugs to you too. And yes, we will probably be there again.

Today, I am better and know I am fortunate to call you both friend.

August 24, 2010 at 7:32 PM  
Blogger Madabip said...

Hi Mary:

Came back to check in. Want to give you your space but . . . I must be part labrador retriever. Glad you are better and hope you are continuing that trend, friend.

Karen

August 26, 2010 at 1:15 AM  
Blogger azsky13 said...

Hi Karen, thank you. I was just having a bad night. Sometimes it just happens. I was fine in the morning. But it's good to know I have friends who take the time to check up on me.

August 26, 2010 at 1:28 AM  

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